When I prophesy, I don’t sound like them…
When she prophesied, it was amazing. She knew how to prophesy well. It was my first time seeing someone flow in the prophetic and I was intrigued. It seemed that every time she got up to communicate the heart of God his presence filled the room. She was extremely articulate and she pieced the words together so well. It was a prophetic masterpiece. She carried such authority. I was convinced that I wanted to prophesy just like her. She prophesied with such force which was typically accompanied with much volume and strong tongues. Coming from an environment where the prophetic was non-existent to seeing it displayed like this. In my mind, it was the perfect picture of prophetic success. All I wanted to do was move the atmosphere with my words. I’d fantasized about the experience mentioned in Isaiah 6 where God’s glory filled the temple. I just needed to focus, listen harder, pray harder and do whatever I need to do to not be “off”. Just don’t give an off word. That was the goal.
I was on the prophetic team and I was responsible for ministering cooperating during worship. I had prophesied before but felt it wasn’t anointed or effective. I was severely insecure with God’s voice within me. But not this Sunday, it was going to be different. It finally clicked. I just need to do it like she did. I stand there in nervous energy, but ready. Not sure what I was going to say. I rehearse to myself, just get a phrase out. God will give me the rest of the words. God will fill my mouth. This took guts, but most of all it took faith.
I walk up with the pulpit with my phrases of what I felt the Lord was doing in the service. I begin to prophesy. In the fashion of our leader, I begin to yell the prophetic word to copy how she normally does it. After I had shredded my throat trying to sound powerful, I look onto the crowd and look on the leaders face for approval. Everybody looks blank face but still engaging in worship. It was as if the prophetic word I released was a hiccup and worship picked right back up where it left off as if it never happened. As I walked back to my seat, I could feel that that Lord was grieved. I could feel his heart. I felt so embarrassed because I knew I displeased God.
Eventually, God provided comfort to my heart. He said, that was not the tone that I gave the word to you. When you attempt to copy others and not be true to yourself, everyone knows it. Especially, those that know you.
I vowed to myself that I would never attempt to administrate my prophetic gift like others. Overtime, I would learn the way God created me and I how my voice should be used in the world, because you are only effective when you are being you. Our prophetic leaders should provide a model and a standard. However, we are in no ways instructed to mirror how they administrate their gift. There are diversities of prophetic gifts and anointing and our goals is to discover how God created us.