The First Time I Prophesied was an Epic Fail! They Looked At Me Like..
It's a Saturday night. In the midst of praying, I begin to feel intensely burdened. I begin to, what I think, hear God speak within my heart. It was like someone planted a thought within my head. I knew it wasn't mine. After that, I felt an intense urgency to share this word from the Lord. Now, at the time, I had called it a word from the Lord but I didn’t know I was being prophetic. The prophetic wasn't something that was discussed but we were open to the Holy Spirit's leading. In order to adapt to this type of methodology, the church culture was very liberal in expression. This basically meant that anybody in the congregation and I mean Anybody had the freedom to tap the Pastor during praise and worship or before to say that they had a word to deliver. Now, If you are a pastor reading this, I know you can see the potential problems with such a culture. Anyone could be given an opportunity or platform whether they were anointed or not. It was worse than testimony service. (lol) I believe the pastor found safety in it because it was a family church. Most there were in someways related to each other. But I hear you.. Still. Nope!
It was time! I walked to the pastor scared, but confident. Nervous, but assured that God had spoken to me. I hadn't been surer in my life.
That’s what we called it back then instead of prophetic. I tapped my pastor and said, “I have something I believe God wants to say to everyone” He calmly smiled, nodded, and quietly whispered okay. Most young people weren't involved in church at that time so I think it gave him great joy to see a teenager wanting to serve the Lord. He proceeds to motion to the keyboard player to quiet down. I walk up to the front of the altar. I stood in front of the table that is inscribed, “This you do in remembrance of me” I open my mouth and I begin the share the word. I still remember parts of the prophetic word because this moment left such an impression on me. As the Youth Pastor at the time, I felt it was my responsibility to share what God was giving me regarding the state of the youth ministry. The synopsis of the word was that the parents should have better character and work to become more like Christ because God wants to develop their kids but they are seeing so much at home that it's preventing that. My attempt was to rally everyone around the overall concept that we should work together and grow together and God was going to bless us for our labor. The congregation looked at me like..
There wasn’t anything I said that was wrong. I didn't say it in an accusatory way nor was it harsh. The fact of the matter is that in southern culture a child had no place to address the adults. Their faces pierced my soul. I felt the knives of their looks and disposition tearing away at my confidence. It was ice cold in that place. You could cut the tension with a knife. After I finished speaking, you could hear a pin drop as I walk back to my seat defeated, embarrassed, convinced that I was never going to speak for God again. Never ever!
My pastor walked back to the mic, with only a few words, subtlety subverts my word and rallies the congregation on what he was getting ready to preach. I sat there through the sermon feeling what felt like "cats fighting in my stomach". As soon as the sermon was over, I jet out to my car avoiding eye-contact and leave quickly!
Later that night when I prayed and spent time with God, I wept bitterly. I was mad at God. Why would you let me embarrass myself? Why would you have me do that?
I equated a valid word from the Lord to the congregation standing up shouting Amen and agreeing with it. You see the fundamental lesson that I had to learn was
I can’t count how many times I’ve prophesied and the person receiving the word was standing there stoic as if nothing I was saying made sense them only to come to me after the service to say everything I said was on point for them. Therefore this is why God instructed many of the prophets to ‘Be not afraid of their faces!’ Accuracy comes from the assurance and faith that you have heard from God. As you continually learn how he speaks and spends time with Him, you become more confident in his voice.
Let this be an encouragement to you. If you've missed God or felt embarrassed, try again! God wants you to speak for him just as much as you want to speak for him! I thought that was going to be my last word. As you can see it wasn't. Keep prophesying because I promise you. It gets better.
Marcus Allen, Your Prophetic Coach
Hebrews 5:14 - But solid food is for the [spiritually] mature, whose senses are trained by practice to distinguish between what is morally good and what is evil.