5 WAYS I KNEW I WAS LIVING WITH A ORPHAN MENTALITY
Bastardization is defined as a state of a person born of parents not married to each other. Typically, the result of such state is fatherlessness. We have already arrived to the point in the previous post that fatherlessness is an epidemic. In this post, I want to discuss 5 triggers that will confirm that you are living life as a bastard. Keep in mind when I use the term, “bastard” I am referring to a mentality which occurs as a result of fatherlessness. I’ve counseled and mentored men in which they had a Father present in the home, but they still lived their lives with the mental process of someone without a father present. I have resolved that although the father is present in the home the results are the same if he never carries out the responsibilities of a father.
Let’s review some of these issues…
Poor Decision-Making Skills – As a child one of the first major lessons you learn is how to discern consequences of decisions. For example, your father says, “Don’t play in the street son!” When you do it against your father’s request, you immediately learn the consequences of your actions. As you grow older, you begin to realize that every decision has a consequence. Bastards have a poor ability to assess consequence. Properly assessing consequences will prepare you for the outcomes of the decision. Since bastards have difficulty discerning consequence, they leave the results of their decisions to happenstance. How many of you have said this statement, “Whatever happens, happens!” This is code for someone who hasn’t developed the ability to prepare for the consequence of their decisions albeit good or bad. In many cases, bastards are prone to disastrous circumstances. Do you ever feel like every time you make a step forward, you make ten steps backward?
Fear Accountability – Real fathers thrive in giving their sons responsibility and they disdain laziness. Counselors state that the appropriate time to give children chores is around 6 years of age which is the age where accountability begins and is nurtured. Accountability is defined as the condition of being accountable or giving an account for oneself or something that you are responsible for. Bastards will blame everyone else for the result of their lives when the real reason lies with them. They fear someone making them take responsibility because if someone were to address the real reason why they have not made process they hear “I am a bad person”. Anytime you attempt to make a bastard take responsibility for their actions and the state of their life, they will almost immediately generalize your efforts and perceive it as a blow against their value as a person.
Abandonment/Rejection Issues – Bastards are plagued with abandonment and rejection issues. As a means to silence the voice of their pain, they emotionally suppress the need for a father. This eventually turns into a lack of desire or need of one. This is how the ‘Me against the world’ mentality is birthed. The alarming part is that the need is still present, but the bastard isn’t aware because of the years of suppressing it has infiltrated into their personality. As a result, subconsciously, they make every well – intending individual earn the right for their time, affection, and love. Since it’s a void that only a father can fill, the void becomes a bottomless pit for others because the bastard becomes impossible to please. Bastards make the WORST friends because your efforts toward them to be a good friend will never be enough. This becomes overwhelming for a bastard’s friends to bear.
Lack of Identity – Fathers give identity by giving their children a sense of purpose or a reason to be. They have keen ability to assess your gifts, talents, purpose, and calling at a young age while harnessing and cultivating it so that you can present your ‘best self’ to the world. Bastards lack this since they go throughout their life experimenting in an attempt to discover what fits. As a result, they become instable in their affairs and the progress they make in life is very minimal. Typically, this results in depression and frustration. Have you ever heard someone boldly proclaim, “I am in a wilderness season right now” This is typically code for, “I lack identity or I haven’t figured out what I should be focusing on”.
Lack of Leadership Skills – Many of us have heard the quote ‘Great followers make great leaders!” Where do we learn following? You are right! The father. The leadership style of the father is cultivated in the children by watching how their father leads the family. Bastards don’t know leadership so the result is lawlessness which means they simply partake in whatever suits them at the moment.
Where do we go from here?!
Psalms 119:130 states, “The entrance of Your words give light…” This means illumination, revelation, or insight! This is the GOOD NEWS! Many times these issues are so wired or engrained in how you are as a person that it takes an outside person to identify it. He reveals it to heal it.
Prophet Marcus Allen